Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
