So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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