I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
