I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
where are my pants?
in the oven.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
