Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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