i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Pants are for mortals
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
