Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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