I got chris browned last night
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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