Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
