I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
