mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
