How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
