I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
