so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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