Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
