Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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