I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
