You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize