she woke up with a sticky ear
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He better not be in your backpack
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
