so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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