He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
