this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
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Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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