she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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