Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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