id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
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I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
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