You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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