she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
