would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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