At least make sure they are 18
Why
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just tell him i said nine months
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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