You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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