You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
