If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize