Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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