i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Found your dick twin last night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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