Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
