i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
