I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
