i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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