tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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