i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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