Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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