sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
