i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
