One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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