All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have fence marks all over my body
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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