he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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