Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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