i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize