'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
