I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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