There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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