It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
