You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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