you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
