I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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