At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
