everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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