Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
